Emotional Attachment Styles
- Lana Dhaou
- Mar 19, 2023
- 2 min read
What is Emotional Attachment?
Emotional attachment to other people refers to feelings and cravings for affection and closeness
from another person. This attachment might help you feel safe, comfortable, happy, or even
euphoric in their company. Emotional attachment plays a main role in human
interaction and nature, and emotional attachments you build early on in life, such as bonds with
parents, siblings, and friends, can shape certain aspects of your personality and attachment style for the rest of your life.
Types of Emotional Attachment
According to Bowlby's Theory of Attachment, emotional attachment takes 4 main forms:
1. Secure Attachment
This is the healthiest type of attachment where a person recognizes their need for affection and
closure and allow themselves to be emotionally vulnerable without letting it affect their daily life
and mental health status. People with secure attachment styles can balance between valuing their independence and personal space while not isolating themselves from others.
2. Anxious-Ambivalent Attachment
People with anxious attachment styles tend to feel unworthy, insecure, and jealous in their social
relationships. Anxious attachment is often formed from an underlying fear of abandonment and
rejection, which is often portrayed through clingy behavior.
3. Avoidant Attachment
People with avoidant attachment styles tend to avoid commitment and keep space between
themselves and their partner, which is usually portrayed by refusing help or emotional support
from others and struggling to show feelings and emotions. These behaviors are usually rooted in
fears of abandonment and intimacy.
4. Disorganized Attachment
People with this attachment style struggle with unorganized thoughts and feelings towards
relationships, which is portrayed in mixed signals and behaviors that may seem confusing, such as desiring emotionally close relationships yet feeling uncomfortable with emotional closure.
Is Emotional Attachment Healthy?
Not only are emotional attachments healthy, but they are also necessary to maintain relationships and emotional well-being. Humans are social creatures designed to interact and bond, so it's normal and vital to experience emotional attachment. However, excessive emotional attachment, also known as insecure emotional attachment, can have negative consequences for both parties of the relationship and can be a sign of mental health issues or personality disorders such as Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), Disinhibited Social Engagement Disorder (DSED), Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), and more.
Insecure Emotional Attachment
Unhealthy or insecure emotional attachment refers to the overwhelming need for affection and
closure, usually from a specific person, that affects the individual's daily life. People struggling with excessive emotional attachment might build their mood, activities, and personality traits around a certain person. In some extreme cases, they can experience a never-ending spiral of negative thoughts and emotions, including suicidal thoughts, at the idea of being without the person they are attached to.
Effects of Insecure Emotional Attachment
People experiencing excessive or extreme emotional bonds rely on consistency throughout
emotional bonds, so if the person they are attached to is not reciprocating their energy, the
emotionally attached person will feel incomplete and insecure. This is draining and unhealthy for
both parties, as Person B feels obligated to always be the best version of themselves to fulfil
another person's emotional needs, while Person A feels extreme mood swings and emotional instability because they have built their emotions around Person B’s mood and energy.
Resources
Mcleod, Saul. “John Bowlby Attachment Theory.” Simply Psychology, February 8,
2023.
https://simplypsychology.org/bowlby.html#:~:text=Bowlby%20(1969)%20believed%20t
hat%20attachment,separation%2C%20insecurity%2C%20and%20fear.
“Emotional Attachment: 4 Things to Know.” Healthline. Healthline Media. Accessed
“Understanding Disorganized Attachment Style.” FuelEd. Accessed March 10, 2023.
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